For many, this is one of the most important components of recovery, because it allows them to work on rebuilding their relationships and letting go of those they cannot repair. Our team works closely with you throughout this process to help you achieve your goals in recovery. It can be tempting to say things like “I’m sorry for everything I’ve done to you,” but try to avoid these blanket statements. They miss the opportunity to be truly reflective about how your wrongdoings have impacted the other person and can be misread.
What Is Step 9 of Alcoholics Anonymous (AA)?
One of the greatest regrets some people endure is not apologizing to a loved one for past wrongs before they die. Many individuals know that they need to apologize to someone they love but fail to do so out of pride or ego. As a result, the opportunity is lost to make things right if that person dies before they can apologize. When making an AA amendment, it’s important to apologize sincerely, be humble, accept responsibility for your actions, admit fault, change your behavior, and make an effort to rebuild trust.
What Is Step 8 of AA?
For decades, millions of hurting people have turned to the 12 Steps for help with addictions to everything from alcohol and drugs to gambling and sex. What they find is a program that not only helps them get « clean and sober » but also one that offers a framework for creating a healthy, mature relationship with God–or a « Higher Power, » in 12-Step language. Often meeting in the basements of churches, synagogues, and mosques, 12-Step programs have become America’s « stealth religion, » as one writer terms them. An estimated 15 million Americans are currently involved in some form of recovery, making 12-Steppers more numerous than Episcopalians, Jews, and Muslims combined.
Should I Work on Step Eight Alone?
However, this provides you with hope and inspiration to become and remain a better person in all future endeavors. Guilt and shame anchor people to their past and trap them in old ways that prevent them from growing and moving on with their lives. By tackling step nine, recovering alcoholics can be freed from their past, including addiction. Whenever possible, a direct amend is made face-to-face rather than over the phone or by asking someone else to apologize on your behalf.
Making Amends in Addiction Recovery
- I hope you can find it in your heart to forgive me, but if not, I understand.
- A well-crafted script can serve as a conversational guide, ensuring your list of wrong actions, apologies, and discussions for making amends are addressed and not lost in the moment.
No one discusses theory at an AA meeting; they only talk about their own experiences. Again, in recovery, your words may not mean as much to some people as you wish they would. Understandably, some people may just need more time to learn how to trust you again. In these instances, the best thing you can do is to focus on your behavior and remain faithful to your commitment to live an honest, sober life.
The goal of this step is to find freedom by cleaning up the past to live peacefully in the present. Those in recovery are encouraged to keep an ongoing ninth step in their life by continuing to pay off debts and refraining from lying, stealing, or cheating. The ninth living amends step is very action-oriented and provides a sense of relief. Although step nine can be difficult, participants should remember that if it were easy, everyone would be doing it. It takes willingness and courage to reflect on and find a resolution to your mistakes.
While we might apologize later for missing the party, our apology consists of words rather than actions or changed behavior. And those words ring hollow when we repeatedly break our promises. On the surface, making amends might sound as simple as offering a sincere apology for your treatment of others, but there’s more to this cornerstone Twelve Step practice. Below, experts at Hazelden Betty Ford’s Connection™ recovery coaching program answer frequently asked questions about this reconciliation process and why it’s so vital to addiction recovery and spiritual health. To discern whether to make amends, ask yourself why you’re wanting to contact the person. For example, if you had an affair for three years during active addiction, visiting your ex to fess up and say you’re sorry isn’t going to help them; it’s going to hurt them.